Tuesday, 18 October 2011

The Food Remains The Same

Just been shopping.  Nothing unusual about that - most people do.
The weekly ritual of driving to a supermarket and wandering aimlessly around a cavernous warehouse/aircraft hanger pushing a trolley, and generally being bored with the whole escapade (or maybe thats just me).
Anyway, among the usual purchases of much needed groceries and homewares (aka Burgers, Booze and Bogroll), my purchases included items which have been bought for many years, and will continue to be bought for the foreseeable future.

In short, much of my shopping reminds me that my diet has not really changed since about the age of 12!

Peanut Butter (Crunchy - has to be Crunchy, not the sub-standard Smooth variety)
Sandwich Spread
Super Noodles
Crinkle Cut Chips
Fish Fingers
Rice Krispies
Spaghetti Hoops
Alphabetti Spaghetti
Tunnocks Tea Cakes
Butterscotch Flavour Angel Delight

And whats wrong with that lot as the cornerstone of kitchen cupboard provisions?

Freddie Flintoff recently appeared on BBC's Saturday Kitchen.  When asked what his favourite meal was (his 'Food Heaven'), the reply was: Fish Fingers, Chips & Beans - Top Man.

Right, I'm off for a Fish Finger & Salad Cream sandwich - all washed down with a pint of Ribena

Tuesday, 11 October 2011

Did they really say that?

There was a time when records would be banned or playing restricted, sometimes for the most innocuous phrase or interpretation (Remember Mike Read vs Frankie Goes To Hollywood?)
In these more enlightened times in which we live (whether you consider it progress or not), many of these previously banned records are now played freely on radio and TV.

What follows is a list ("brain dump") of songs beard recently which made me think:
"How did that get passed the censor?"
  • Rolling Stones - Start Me Up
    "You make a dead man come"
  • Jam - Thats Entertainment
    "Pissing down with rain on a boring Wednesday"
    "Lights going out and a kick in the balls"
  • Jam - Funeral Pyre
    "Pissing themselves laughing"
  • Jam - Beat Surrender
    "That bullshit is bullshit"
    (A Radio Edit exists with the words changed to "Rubbish is Rubbish" (can't confirm - never heard it), and on Top Of The Pops, Paul Weller reportedly mimed "bullfrog is bullfrog")
  • Jam - Just Who Is The Five O'Clock Hero?
    "Hello darling I'm home again, covered in shit & aches and pains"
  • Specials - Nite Klub
    "I won't dance in a club like this, all the girls are slags and the beer tastes just like piss"
  • Who - Who Are You
    "Who The fuck are you?"
  • Lou Reed - Walk on the Wild Side
    "Even when she was giving head"
  • Diana Ross - Chain Reaction
  • "You make me tremble when your hand goes lower"
  • Small Faces - Here Comes The Nice
    "He knows what i want, hes got what i need, Hes always there, if i need some speed"
  • Divinyls
    "When I think about you I touch myself"
  • Sid Vicious - My Way
    "You cunt, I'm not a queer"
  • Pink Floyd - Money
    "Don't give me that do goody good bullshit"
  • Alanis Morrisette - You Oughtta Know
    "Is she perverted like me, Would she go down on you in a theatre"
    and later in the same verse
    "Are you thinking of me when you fuck her?"
    (in fairness I usually hear versions which have the offending word edited (just! ie "fu" ... (silence) ... (song restarts))

These tracks fall into the "Ambiguous" category, meaning they could be interpreted as 'of questionable content':
  • Beautiful South - Perfect 10
    Two verses sung by Jacqui Abbott:
    "When he's at my gate, with a big fat 8
    You wanna see the smile on my face
    And even at my door, with a poor poor 4
    There ain't no man can replace"
    "If he's extra large well I'm in charge
    I can work this thing on top
    If he's XXL well what the hell
    Every penny don't fit the slot"
  • Stranglers - Golden Brown
    Subject Matter = Heroin (likewise The Las - There She Goes Again)
  • The Shamen - Ebeneezer Goode
    "Eezer Goode", which is noting more than an abbreviated version of the song subjects name.  But hang on - it could also be a to the apparent greatness of Ecstasy ("Es are Good")
  • Lindisfarne - Meet Me On The Corner
    Is this about a meeting your drug dealer, or perhaps prostitution, or perhaps none of them and its just a simple tale of northern folk meeting at a pre-agreed spot before heading down the pub
  • Grace Jones - Pull Up To The Bumper
    "Pull up to my bumper baby,
    In your long black limousine,
    Pull up to my bumper baby,
    Drive it in between. "
    "Pull up to it, don't drive through it,
    Back it, up twice, now that fits nice,
    Grease it, spray it, let me lubricate it,
    Pull up to my bumper baby. "

    Whats that about I wonder? see also the majority of the AC/DC songbook

In an attempt to get continued airplay, bands have resorted to 'cleaned up' versions of album tracks 
(or "De-Fucked Versions" as I refer to them):
  • Jam - Modern World
    Album = "I don't give two fucks about your review"
    Single = "I don't give a damn about your review"
  • Stiff Little Fingers - Price Of Admission
    Album = "Just fuck 'em and leave 'em"
    Single =  "Just love 'em and leave 'em"
  • Radiohead - Creep
    Album = "I wish I was special, you're so fucking special"
    Single = "I wish I was special, you're so very special"
  • Beautiful South - Don't Marry Her
    Album = "She'll grab your sweaty bollocks, Then slowly raise her knee, Don't marry her, fuck me"
    Single = "She'll grab your Sandra Bullocks, Then slowly raise her knee, Don't marry her, have me"

However, there are some tunes which will probably never be heard on radio/TV any time in the near future
  • Sex Pistols - Bodies
  • Anti Nowhere League - So What
  • Ian Dury - Plaistow Patricia
  • Wayne County - Fuck Off
  • Dead Kennedys - Too Drunk To Fuck
  • Buzzcocks - Oh Shit
  • Jarvis Cocker - Cunts Are Still Running The World

There is of course the potential for a mis-hearing which can hide the offending words (I understand that this was the principle employed by the BBC when considering the "advisory nature" of songs: If it's not wholly clear, then you can probably get away with it

Mis-heard Lyrics is a whole other area of amusement

  • Nirvana - Smells Like Teen Spirit
    "I keep 2 pigs in containers"
  • Chicory Tip - Son Of My Father
    "Moogling & a-googling, I was free from drugs"
  • Labi Siffre - Something Inside So Strong
    "You hide behind walls of cherry coke"
  • Creedence Clearwater Revival - Bad Moon Rising
    "There's a bathroom on the right"
  • Queen - Bohemain Rhapsody
    "Spare him his life from the pork sausages"
  • Toto - Africa
    "I left my brains down in Africa"
  • Jimi Hendrix - Purple Haze
    "'Scuse me while I kiss this guy"
This is undoubtedly the most famous misheard lyric - so much so it gives its name to a site cataloguing such aural mis-appropriations

To finish (as seems traditional - always finish with a song), I don't think there is any double-meaning or ambiguity about this song.  Its just the tale of a ballroom promoter and his fame & notoriety for organising the best dances in the local area:

AC/DC - Big Balls