What Saturday Needs

Just finished reading The Encyclopedia of Classic Saturday Night Telly by Jack Kibble-White and Steve Williams
(Amazon link)

Great book, appealing to my nerdy needs for useless information and trivia.
A series of essays/comment about the programmes that occupied the Saturday Night TV schedules, covering everything from the Classic to the Codswallop, the Memorable to the Forgettable.
Seemingly, the high point of Classic Saturday Night Telly came in the mid-to-late 1970s/early 1980s.
The schedules were an endless stream of Talent Shows (should that be written as "Talent"?), Variety shows, drama series and inoffensive family based game shows.  The Saturday night schedules now are much the same covering all the same basic components.  But there is one thing missing from the entertainment smorgasbord served up on a Saturday - There is no Madhouse.
Daft sketches and puns, silly characters and corny jokes - now that is what you want on a Saturday evening (well, I do anyway).

Mention 'Madhouse' and one name is synonymous with the concept - Russ Abbot

Russ Abbot started as a drummer in comedy band The Black Abbots.  They released a couple of singles in the 1970s and signed with a major label in 1977, releasing a single live album before disbanding in 1980.
Russ Abbot had already appeared in Freddie Starrs Variety Madhouse in 1979, and in 1980 he got his own Madhouse.
This show allowed him to exploit his talent for silliness, producing a cavalcade of comedy characters (including: Cooperman (and Blunder Woman), Jimmy McJimmy, Barratt Holmes and Basildon Bond).
Assisted by a supporting cast including: Les Dennis, Dustin Gee, Susie Blake, Jeffrey Holland and Bella Emberg.

Of all the characters on show, the most memorable was Basildon Bond (he had letters after his name).

Point One: Much like Tommy Cooper, he just looks funny to start with
Point Two: The secretary in the sketches was named Miss Funnyfanny
Point Three: The Parody didn't end with the name, he also appeared in films with titles such as 'Dr Yes' and 'The Man With The Golden Labrador', and was usually fighting against his nemesis Luke Bakenanger (it's a silly name, but it makes me smile).

Luke Bakenanger: "Have you ever been caught by your adversaries?"
Basildon Bond: "I had a bit of trouble with some barbed wire once"

OK - it's not so funny when written down, but I promise it will raise a smile.


As with most Saturday Night Variety/Comedy shows of the time, there was always the musical number.  Either it would be a great pop star/group of the Day (Grace Kennedy?  Manhattan Transfer? Guys & Dolls? Gerard Kenny?), or would be a parody performed by the cast.
Russ Abbott's Madhouse went down the latter route and gave us songs by:
Julio Doubleglazius (inspiration for Steve Coogan's Toni Ferrino?), The Four Bottoms, The Neverly Brothers, Vince Prince (a generic Teddy Boy Rock n Roller performing "And Then She Kicked Me"), The Bleach Boys and The Spanners (below).

What Saturday Night needs is a TV show which is heavy on puns, daftness, bad impressions (I'm looking at you Les Dennis & Dustin Gee) and just plain silly characters.

So, please can we have a Madhouse on Saturday Night?

Second thoughts, what we'll probably end up with is Ant & Dec's Saturday Madhouse.

A programme helmed buy the two miniature Geordies, introducing an endless stream of celebrity non-entities trying to be funny.

The shows aren't available on DVD (at least, not legitimately anyway), but YouTube is a veritable treasure trove of Madhouse moments - if you're stuck for five minutes and fancy a giggle just type "Russ Abbot" into the search box - you (probably) won't be disappointed.

The Search Continues ...

You join me at the end of my bi-annual search for a decent priced CD copy of Dexys Midnight Runners 1985 album 'Don't Stand Me Down'.
When originally released, it basically tanked.  It got no higher than number 22, spending just 6 weeks in the album chart - a considerably poor return for the amount of time and money it took to produce.
Following this failure, Dexys ended up providing the them for the sitcom Brush Strokes ("Because Of You").
Was recording a sitcom theme part of Kevin Rowland's artistic manifesto?
(It might've been - after all this is a man who wore a dress on stage in the name of art)

Standing in Our Price in 1985 with £5, I was torn between the Dexys album and 'Rum, Sodomy and The Lash' by The Pogues.  Shane MacGowan and co get my cash, and it was probably another 10 years before I actually heard 'Don't Stand Me Down'.

Later on, I (like everyone else) created a sales spike for record companies as I was dilligently replacing vinyl with "these new fangled CD things".
'Searching For The Young Soul Rebels' - bought
'Too-Rye-Ay' - bought
'Don't Stand Me Down' - nowhere to be seen

'Don't Stand Me Down' did get a CD release in 1997 and again in "Directors Cut" format in 2002.  I purchased neither of these because basically I'd forgotten about it and wasn't in "Dexys Mode" at the time.

"Don't Worry - Amazon will save you"
No it won't - the cheapest at the moment is £49.99, and, when it is available, it is pretty much always around that price.
"You could always download it"
Yes I could, probably from some dubious/questionable source but, hey isn't all music free nowadays? Besides, why would I download it - I want the physical product.  Now call me old fashioned, but the physical product is key.  It's part of the whole choosing/selecting/listening experience.
In a similar way, why would I got to The Louvre to see The Mona Lisa when I can see photographs of it on the internet?  It's the same principle (or it is in my head anyway).

And so the search continues - I'm hopeful (confident?) that one day I'll stumble across a copy at a Car Boot Sale, in a Charity Shop or at a Record Fair at a price which doesn't mean selling a kidney first.
Or perhaps (even more hopefully) the will be another CD release sometime in the future.  Perhaps it may be another Kevin Rowland "Directors Cut" ('Don't Stand Me Down' has the potential to become the Blade Runner of the music world).

To paraphrase an earlier Dexys song:
"I've been searching for the album, I've been searching everywhere, I can't find it anywhere, where have you hidden it?"

Dexys Midnight Runners - There, There My Dear

Last-Ditch Request: If anyone has a CD copy they don't want, I know where it will be given a good home

Sweet Sounds

The phrase The New Wave Of British Heavy Metal ( or NWOBHM) first appeared in print in Sounds in May 1979.
The music took its lead from the classic rock bands such as Deep Purple, Black Sabbath, Led Zeppelin, plus other bands like Golden Eaaring and Montrose, added a bit of punk ethos/attitude and came up with a new tough sound that had Heavy Metal fans banging their heads and playing air guitar.
Bands to emerge from NWOBHM include: Iron Maiden, Def Leppard, Saxon and Diamond Head.  Motorhead and Judas Priest, although being in existence before NWOBHM started, were also considered part of it.
If asked, my default response to NWOBHM is this track:

Trespass - One Of These Days

But I believe I have found another, unrecognised influence: Sweet

Yes, Sweet - the band responsible for throaway 1970's bubblegum pop like Co-Co, Poppa Joe and Alexander Graham Bell.  They did achieve a number 1 single with "Blockbuster" (a song which had basically the same riff as David Bowie's "The Jean Genie"), and perhaps they're most well known single was "Ballroom Blitz".
Despite being part of the Chinnichap production line, the band always provided a self-penned track for their B-Sides, and these were usually pretty heavy by comparison.
Listen to tracks like "Done Me Wrong All Right", "Rock And Roll Disgrace" or "Sweet F.A." and you can almost hear the DNA template for NWOBHM.

And here is Exhibit 2 - Promo Video for "Action" from 1975 - Brian Connolly has more than a passing look of Bruce Dickinson about him, especially when holding the mike with two hands and wailing into it.

By the way, have you heard the story (urban myth?) as to why every ceiling has a Sweet Spot?

Right Said Fred

No, not the Deeply Dippy baldy brothers (and that bloke with the curly locks and the guitar).
This Bernard Cribbins 'novelty' song is a true, unadultered classic.  I'm surprised there haven't been more high profile cover versions of this monumental track.

But, what were they trying to move?
First thought is a Piano, especially when they talk about removing "them fings that hold the candles".
But does a piano have handles?  A portable piano perhaps - I've never seen one, but they might exist.
And then Fred suggests taking the feet off.  Do Pianos have feet? Yes, they do.  But the next line, they're taking the seat off.  So this is now a piano with handles and a built-in seat.  Not like any piano I've come across.
In the end, they end up wrecking the house trying to move whatever it is, and Charlie and his mate go home leaving Fred to do the cleaning up.

Is it important? Probably not, but I would like to know what they were moving.

The spoken part at the end is another one of those 'philosophy in songs' moments:

"I said to Charlie we'll just have to leave it standing on the landing that's all, 
You see the trouble with Fred is he's too hasty 
Now you never get nowhere if you're too hasty"

Glam Slam

Whilst clearing up in the cave (clearing up or moving things round?) I found a copy of an old double album entitled Glam Slam.
The sleeve states: "The Definitive Glam Rock Collection" - but is it?
Here's the TV advert:

Here's the track listing:

Slade -  Mama Weer All Crazee Now
Gary Glitter -  Do You Wanna Touch Me
Suzi Quatro -  Devil Gate Drive
Elton John -  Saturday Night's Alright (For Fighting)
Rod Stewart -  You Wear It Well
T Rex -  Get It On
Sweet -  The Ballroom Blitz
Gary Glitter -  I'm The Leader Of The Gang
Glitter Band -  Angel Face
Mott The Hoople -  All The Young Dudes
Faces -  Cindy Incidentally
Wizzard -  Angel Fingers
Slade -  Cum On Feel The Noize
Alice Cooper -  School's Out
Sweet -  Blockbuster
Wizzard -  See My Baby Jive
Rubettes -  Sugar Baby Love
Mud -  Tiger Feet
Bay City Rollers -  Bye Bye Baby
Hello -  New York Groove
Argent -  Hold Your Head Up
David Essex -  Gonna Make You A Star
T Rex -  Hot Love
Faces -  Stay With Me
Mott The Hoople -  All The Way From Memphis
10cc -  Rubber Bullets
Cockney Rebel -  Make Me Smile (Come Up And See Me)
Sparks -  This Town Ain't Big Enough For Both Of Us
Rod Stewart -  Maggie May

How many of the above are actually considered as part of the Glam Rock cannon?
T.Rex are often considered to be the originators of Glam Rock, Slade were there at the start and sort of got tarred with the brush, Wizzard and Roy Wood turned the colour up.  Sweet were the embodiment of "Brickies in Drag", whilst Gary Glitter was the ubiquitous face of Glam Rock (did he ever release a version of "Good Morning Little Schoolgirl"?).
But of the others?
Were Mott The Hoople really a Glam Rock band?  In the same way as Slade, I suppose they were.
What about Alice Copper?  By stretching the definition, you could probably say yes.
David Essex?  Pretty Boy, yes.  Adored by knicker-wetting pre-teens, yes.  Releasing records in 1972 to 1975, yes.  But not a Glam Rocker.
And what about The Rubettes?  Glam?  Here's the evidence:

The Rubettes - Calm down Ladies








Much of this album is from the Rock n Roll revival period directly following Glam Rock.  Wizzard probably led the way, but Mickie Most's Rak Records stable (including Mud and Suzi Quatro) and Bell Records (home of Glitter and Hello) all played a big part in shaping the charts.
And lets not forget Mike Chapman & Nicky Chinn who wrote most of the stuff.

Without wishing to invoke the Trades Descriptions Act, in what way could this album be considered definitive? Especially when you consider the ommission of the biggest name of the period.  Where is David Bowie?  Maybe K-Tel just couldn't afford the rights.

Perhaps it would've been better to title this album:
"We Wanted To Release The Definitive Glam Rock Album But Ran Out Of Ideas And Money.  Here's A Collection Of Some Of The Most Memorable Singles From The Period 1972 to 1976"
or maybe
"Now Thats What I Call Glam Rock ... Sort Of"

Glam Rock - It was just "basic" Rock & Roll, but performed after a visit to the dressing up box.

This is why The Faces are NOT a Glam band.
No, they are a Bloke Band - Music, Booze & Football (in that order)
The loosest, tightest live band ever.
They could've/should've been as big (if not bigger) than The Stones.
Combination of disillusionment (Ronnie Lane), poaching (Ronnie Wood), and solo success which surpassed the band (Rod Stewart) caused the end of the good time bar band, always performing with an air of mischief about them and a bloody big smile on their faces.

This is quite simply the best song on the Glam Slam album, if not one of the best songs ever written.
The Faces - Stay With Me

For an absolute History of The Faces, try this boxset (one of my favourites):
Five Guys Walk Into A Bar

They may not have been a Glam Rock band, but The Faces had just as much fun (if not more) than anyone wearing mascara and platform boots

What Was The Best Year in Music?

If you were to ask anyone (specifically someone with a keen interest in music) "What was the best year for music?", the answers would probably be:

• Now - nothing like living in the present
• A random year between the ages of 12 and 20 - these are the (arbitary) ages when people are buying their first records (usually by the barrow full), going to their first gigs, developing their musical likes & dislikes and mixing with like-minded friends
• A couple of years before their first record buying experience

Me, I fall firmly in the last category.

Prior to 1979 I was a football obsessive - more interested in Football Focus than Top Of The Pops

And then (to nick a phrase from Jarvis Cocker) Something Changed.
As previously stated, 1979 was the year I got my first tape recorder so I now had choice of what music to own and listen to.  I started to take proper notice of the music coming out of the radio and TV, rather than just accepting the odd novelty song and the Abba & Carpenters albums coming out of my parents car stereo.

The football obsession continued, but a realisation that having 2 left feet and an inability to kick a ball straight was never going to enhance my chances of being a professional footballer, so I thought I'd give Rock & Roll a go.  I discovered a couple of years later that a distinct lack of talent in this chosen field may also hamper my options.  (Maybe that's why I'm a Project Manager?)

And this was the song seen on Top Of The Pops that made me say: "this being in a band lark looks like a good career"
Similarly (not that I'm comparing myself to him), John Lennon stated in an interview with Tom Snyder in 1975: "I saw Elvis on the movie screen with all these girls screaming and I thought, that’s a good job!")

Dave Edmunds - Girls Talk

The song was written by Elvis Costello, and performed by Dave Edmunds with assistance from Nick Lowe, Terry Williams and Billy Bremner - collectively known as Rockpile.

Rockpile are perhaps one of the most under-rated and undiscovered bands to come from this period (or indeed any period).  A top notch live band (see 2011s Live At Montreux 1980 for proof of how powerful and tight a band can be), their solitary album (released in 1980 due to contractual difficulties with each member being tied to different companies) did not truly do the band justice.  There were 3 other albums recorded by the band, but these were released as Dave Edmunds solo albums (Trax On Wax 4 and Repeat When Necessary) and a Nick Lowe solo album (Labour Of Lust).  All are worth a listen if you get the chance.
The Nick Lowe solo single "Cruel To Be Kind" entered the charts as "Girls Talk" was on it's way down.  It was recorded by the same personnel, and if you can find the video on YouTube, it looks like it was filmed at the around the same location and time as "Girls Talk").
Not content with having a couple of singles and an album in his own name, the collaboration above, other production work (notably Elvis Costello), and becoming Johnny Cash's son-in-law he also found time to co-write and produce "Milk & Alcohol" for Doctor Feelgood.

So was 1979 the best year?  In the style of Lloyd Grossman "lets look at the evidence":

• Blondie, The Police and Squeeze at the peak of their popularity and releasing some of their best singles
• Hit Me With Your Rhythm Stick at Number 1
• Gary Numan
• The first Top 10 single for the Jam ("Eton Rifles")
• The Rock n Roll/Rockabilly Revival (featuring Racey, Darts, Rocky Sharpe & The Replays and Matchbox.  Showaddywaddy were still releasing singles too)
• The Mod Revival (featuring Secret Affair, Purple Hearts and The Chords)
• The first Specials album, and the birth of 2 Tone
• The Disco of The Bee Gees
• The Funk of Chic and Earth, Wind & Fire
• The sheer diversity in the charts - not only did Gary Numan, Boomtown Rats & Blondie have Number 1 singles, but Art Garfunkel, Cliff Richard and Lena Martell also achieved the top position.
• The song that signifies start of the 80s (Buggles - "Video Killed The Radio Star")
• And the year was finished with a Pink Floyd single at number one.  The song that will forever be used by lazy TV & Radio researchers to show teenage rebellion against schooling

The evidence is compelling, and it is certainly a more interesting musical landscape than the Simon Cowell influenced homogeny clogging up the airwaves.
The FA Cup Final of 1979 wasn't too bad either (actually it was quite a boring game until the last 5 minutes when Man United scored two goals to equalise before Alan Sunderland (complete with 1970s perm and tache) scored the winner in the 89th minute).

This was the year I first became consumed by music - a passion which has never abated., and (much to the annoyance of my wife and my bank manager) probably never will.
OK, I'll never score in a Cup Final or play on stage in Ringo Starr's All-Star Band, but it will never diminish the enjoyment of hearing some random notes thrown together against a catchy melody with some added words.
And so, its back to the Gantt Charts and Earned Value Analysis, but this will be performed with a constant soundtrack around me and in my head.  You can take our lives, you can take our pride but you can never take away the music.

The Big Question

For centuries, mankind has pondered the Big Questions.

• The existence of God(s)
• The creation of the Universes
• The meaning of life
• How come Coldplay are so popular

My brain is currently pre-occupied by a similar conundrum:

Is it pronounced Nestle or Nestlé?

And who decided that we should ignore the Milky Bar ads of the 70s & early 80s and add a European inflection?

Is it just the 'ponsification' of products, in a similar way when Walkers got rid of Beef & Onion, replacing them with Steak & Onion (Beef vs Steak - same thing, surely, but Steak sounds more expensive)

Anyway, heres proof from 1981 - it clearly says Nestles (without the accent on the e)